Of Sugars and Creams
by yukuro
Summary: Kio finds that making coffee for Natsuo and Youji is harder than expected. Or Natsuo just likes being mean. [Natsuo x Youji, Natsuo x Youji x Kio?]


**Disclaimer:** Trust me, I do not in anyway own anything of Loveless. D:**  
Pairing:** Natsuo x Youji, Natsuo x Youji x Kio?**  
**

**Of Sugars and Creams**

_By: yukuro_

It was very, very black. Almost black enough to be mistaken for a freshly squirted mug of ink that Soubi was fond of and used frequently to sign his name on his paintings with. It was a mystery whether or not the pitch-black liquid was actually consumable. As steam continued to rise from the steaming mug, Youji wrinkled his nose and gazed miserably over at Natsuo with a slight frown.

"You expect us to drink _this_?" Natsuo demanded rather pointedly, jabbing a finger down at the murky black liquid swimming around in the white porcelain mug.

The one being addressed, in this case, Kio, frowned irritably in response and placed his hands on his hips stiffly. Through gritted teeth, he attempted to make himself comprehensible, "Yes, I do, as a matter of fact. Sou-chan drank thee mugs this before he left."

"But it's _black_," Youji said with distaste, sticking his tongue out. He then proceeded to slump down in his chair and rest his head on the table, all the while shooting Kio an indescribable look that made the older man twitch slightly.

"Don't complain just because you think you can get away with it by being cute, you brats," Kio said in exasperation, pointing a finger with authority at the two boys. Frowning he went on, "It's an import! That means it's expensive!"

"You _could_ give us some cream and sugar," Natsuo said in a deadbeat tone, gaze never wavering from Kio's face. The way he spoke made his solution sound like the most obvious thing in the world. Propping his elbow on the table and gracefully resting his head on the palm of his hand, he turned to smile at Youji before stating, "Youji likes three creams and five sugars, right?"

As Youji lifted his head to nod with vigor, Kio made an expression of disgust and almost felt himself gagging. Feeling fired up, he exclaimed in disbelief, "You can't even call that coffee anymore! _Five_ creams! Are you nuts?"

"I said it was three creams, you incompetent," Natsuo said cheerfully with a wicked smile directed squarely at Kio, expression not even wavering as the insult slipped out of his lips like water through a hole. Beside him, Youji grinned in approval and swirled the black liquid with the spoon that had been placed on the table.

"That's still insane," the older man mumbled under his breath, folding his arms as he leaned against the counter. Taking a sip of his own coffee, he muttered, "What a total brat."

"Youji's not a brat," Natsuo stated loudly, making Kio flinch in realization that he had been heard. The curly haired boy turned and grinned warmly at his partner before pulling the other boy into a tight hug. "Youji is a-dor-a-ble!"

"Not as much as Natsuo!" Youji chirped back, craning his neck to lick his partner's lips like a praised kitten.

Across the kitchen, Kio rolled his eyes and continued to sip his coffee. Until, that is, a conversation that made him want to spit out his coffee ensued.

"You make me want to take your ears right now," Natsuo said evilly, licking his lips where Youji's tongue had just been.

Kio twitched.

Youji purred in response and leaned closer suggestively.

Before the Zero boys could continue, Kio cleared his throat loudly and slammed his cup down on the counter. Annoyance on his face, he called out loudly, "We don't have any cream, but we do have sugar!"

"What's with him?" Youji asked as he shifted in Natsuo's lap to observe as Kio stomped off towards the cabinets to search for the sugar. Mindlessly, he twirled a bit of his hair between his fingers as he gazed questioningly up at his partner.

Natsuo gave another evil grin before shrugging and stating nonchalantly, "He's just jealous we didn't invite him."

"I heard that, you brat!" Kio called from the kitchen.

There was a crash and then some cursing.

The two boys exchanged glances briefly before snickering to themselves until Kio stomped back to the table and slammed down a jar of sugar. Once the sugar was in the center of the table, there was silence. The Zero boys looked at the sugar blankly for a moment before lifting their gaze to stare expectantly at Kio, who was still trying his hardest _not_ to look at them.

"Well?" Natsuo asked in a bored tone.

"Well, what?" Kio demanded, frown settling on his face again.

"Youji can't drink coffee without cream," Natsuo replied with a slight tone of "duh" as he stared pointedly at the older man.

"What about you?" asked Kio stiffly, examining the curly haired boy out of the corner of his eye.

"I drink black coffee," Natsuo said with a shrug.

Kio's jaw nearly dropped open. "Then _why_, damn it, have you not been drinking any of the coffee! And complaining on top of that!"

Raising an eyebrow at the art student, Natsuo reached over to pet the top of his partner's head. He explained with a huff, "I won't drink anything before Youji does."

At this point, Kio was ready to pull his hair out in frustration. He lifted his hands in the ready-to-strangle position as a smirk crossed Natsuo's smug face. Just as he opened his mouth to say something nasty, Natsuo interrupted loudly.

"Don't you at least have milk here?"

Dropping his hands, Kio shut his eyes in frustration and let himself relax slightly. The stress would definitely kill him. He folded his arms and leaned back on the counter again. "No," he replied stiffly with some resentment. "It's Sou-chan's turn to do the grocery shopping, but he's too busy having pedophilic dates."

At that, Natsuo and Youji snickered to each other quietly for a moment before quieting down at Kio's murderous glare. Suddenly, an idea crossed their minds and they exchanged their thoughts through a series of gazes. Natsuo's eyes flickered wickedly and Youji's twinkled equally wickedly. And with that, they returned their attention fully to the still irritated Kio.

Kio was too busy glaring at the floor and muttering to himself under his breath to notice that Natsuo and Youji had risen from their chairs and were presently making their way around opposite sides of the table towards him. Only when two pairs of grabby hands made contact with his body did Kio blink and burst out in an enraged demand, "W-What the hell are you two doing!"

The boys exchanged glances from opposite sides of the man before mirrored smirks crossed their lips. Before Kio could so much as sputter again, the hands started roaming, making him stiffen significantly.

"Don't yell so much," Natsuo commanded in a suggestively breathy tone as he crawled onto the table with his knees. His hands were latched onto Kio's collar, fingers wrapped around the fabric. Once he was on his knees on top of the table, Natsuo smirked as Kio's face suddenly paled.

All the while Natsuo was climbing up on the table, Youji was busy exploring. His hands wandered across Kio's waist and chest, patting the man's smock pockets before dipping his hands in. The process was then repeated. Except with his front pockets on his pants.

Kio instantly snapped his head down to tell the boy off, but Natsuo tugged on his collar and forced him to look up again. Eyes flickering wickedly as Youji continued the search, Natsuo went on evilly, "You don't have milk in the house? Maybe we should just take some from you."

The suggestiveness of the way Natsuo said "milk" made Kio want to cringe. Especially considering the fact that the location of Youji's hands was a bit dangerous at the moment. He would _not_ be dominated by _kids_, damn it.

"Listen up, you br—_aah_! Stop touching me, damn it!" Kio bellowed, faces beginning to glow red. Natsuo just _nipped_ his _ear_. And Youji's hands were still wandering. He knew all along these kids were evil, Kio miserably thought to himself.

"But you have something we want," Natsuo breathed into his ear, making Kio shudder. Pulling away, the curly haired boy laughed melodiously yet still sounding wicked in the process. "And we won't stop until we take it from you."

At this point, Kio was both disturbed and frightened. Children were molesting him. There was a crime for child molestation, but what about adult molestation by children! Finally recovering use of his previously limp arms, Kio lifted them to push Natsuo away at arm's length. He shot a glare that he hoped look authoritative.

Natsuo was grinning.

That meant he was failing miserably.

"You brats," Kio muttered through clenched teeth as Natsuo set his fingers to work walking up the man's arms. "Acting like this will get you raped by some pervert."

"Are you suggesting it?" Natsuo asked innocently, eyes glittering with mischievousness. "Or shall we take the lead?"

Kio made a snarling sound of disapproval that mildly reminded Natsuo of a screeching cat with its fur rubbed the wrong way.

"You want us to do this anyway, so just keep quiet," Youji declared from below, sticking a hand into Kio's back pocket. "You should be thanking us for doing it since Soubi refuses to."

"I am going to murder you two," Kio declared through clenched teeth, clearly seething.

"I'd like to see you try," the curly haired boy challenged, tongue darting out to wet his lips.

Before Kio could say anything else, Youji's palm closed around his backside and he let out a decisively loud yelp. Again before he could yell out any more demands, Youji triumphantly pulled his hand out of the man's pocket and stepped back with his hand raised in the air.

"Got it, Natsuo!"

Kio blinked.

"Good job, Youji," Natsuo praised with a smile.

…_Huh_?

"What the… HEY! That's my wallet!"

Sharply pulling on the man's collar, Natsuo pulled him close and let their lips crash together with his tongue dominating the older man's. Kio was close to going into a coma from shock. Once Natsuo removed his lips from Kio's with much satisfaction, he hopped lightly off the table and said carelessly, "I told you not to yell so much, you incompetent."

The college student sputtered for a moment before realizing the pair was making their way towards the front door with _his_ wallet. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To buy milk, duh," Youji called, turning to stick his tongue out at Kio. He held up the man's wallet between his fingers. "We needed money. What did you _think_ we were doing?"

Kio's jaw dropped open.

"Like Youji said before," Natsuo called carelessly, putting his arm around Youji to guide him towards the door, "you should be grateful to us for doing your grocery shopping since Soubi refuses to do it."

As the pair stepped out of the apartment and shut the door behind them, Kio's voice clearly sounded from the other side, "This is why I hate brats like you, damn it!"

Outside, the two boys snickered to themselves as they made their way down the stairs at a light jog with linked hands.

"We got him good," Youji declared with a pleased laugh, swinging his arm along with Natsuo's. When the other boy simply smirked, Youji tilted his head slightly to examine his partner's expression. It was a satisfied expression that Youji was not completely familiar with. Curiously, he tapped the side of his face as if carefully thinking of something.

"Ne, Natsuo," he called aloud, making his partner turn to gaze at him questioningly. Youji grinned in a half-evil, half-mischievous way. "So why exactly did you kiss him anyway? That's not something you normally do to just anyone."

"His incompetence amuses me," Natsuo declared in response, making Youji pout slightly from not hearing what he had expected. Natsuo's eyes glittered in secret planning as a smooth grin crossed his face. "Maybe we _should_ invite him to play next time."

"I thought you'd say that," the other boy declared loudly, sticking Kio's wallet into his pocket. "Natsuo is so easy to read."

"Don't worry," the curly haired boy replied, tightening his hold on his partner's hand before pulling him over for a kiss. Once their lips parted, he grinned in satisfaction. "I won't invite him to play until I've taken those ears of yours."

Youji almost rolled his eyes. Natsuo was so evil. And yet too cute at the same time. He lifted himself up to his tiptoes and nipped at Natsuo's ear in response.

"You're cute," he said with another lick to the other boy's nose.

Natsuo laughed, reaching up to ruffle his partner's hair. "Save the licking for after we get your milk."

"Natsuo, that sounded suggestive…"

Once again, Natsuo let out a laugh and pulled Youji forward as they ran to the market.

Owari.

* * *

**A/N:** First things first, sometimes in Japanese, saying "milk" can also refer to...well, semen. Sorry to those of you who are choking on your drinks now. XD In any case! There's so many Ritsuka and Soubi fics (as much as I love them, there's just so much of them) and not nearly enough of the Zero boys. And Kio for that matter. He's so neglecteed. _I_ love them lots. XDXD Ah, well, it was fun to write this. I had this situation stuck in my head forever and I really wanted to write it. So I did. And here it is. Yay. 

Hope you enjoyed this innuendo!crackfic. Leave me a review, kae? Thanks. I love you. XD


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